How Do We Cope with Knowing We'll Have to Lose a Beloved Dog, Maybe Soon?

I lost a dog December 27th, and I want to answer this question that we all have to ask ourselves as people who give our hearts to dogs. He was the sixth of my companion animals (four dogs and two cats) that I have held while the vet helped them go to heaven.

Realizing your dog is getting older and can't live forever is a way you do some of the grieving in advance of losing the dog. The dog is with you to comfort you during this grief. It can make you handle the loss better when it happens. Of course it will hurt. But some losses are harder than others. I don't think it just gets worse each time we lose a dog. I think a lot of other factors enter into how we experience each loss.

The most important thing for you to do is cherish this time with your dog. Make happy memories with him. Take excellent care of him that will make you feel very good later to remember that you did for him. Tell him you love him and show him you love him. If you have a temper with your dogs, get rid of that now. Life with dogs is too short to waste any of it acting that way with them. It's not good training, anyway.

Dogs live until they die. He is not sitting around worrying about his life being over and wasting the time he has left by fretting. Learn that from him. LIVE with your dog, instead of thinking of him as dying. This time can be the best of his life. He could live a short time, or he could live a lot longer. Sometimes--quite often--you can know when your dog is terminally ill with your veterinarian's help. That is a blessing, in giving you time to say good-bye.

The unexpected can certainly happen, but it's entirely possible you will never experience another loss in the way you lost Tressa. Since you know he's geriatric now, you'll know to have blood chemistries checked regularly and be quicker to have the veterinarian look at the dog for things you might have watched at home first for a longer time in a younger dog. The older dog's body sometimes needs more help getting over things than the younger dog's does.

I have a relative who spent the last five years of her dog's blessedly long life going on and on about how the dog was going to die and she could just never stand it. Sure enough, when the dog did die at age 15, she fell apart. She would have benefitted profoundly for some important reasons from getting another companion animal, whether cat or dog or bird or whatever. But she kept saying she would never, ever have another pet because she could never go through that again.

There is no reason she couldn't have an animal--big house, big yard, husband to help her take care of the animal, daughter living nearby to help if they wanted or needed to travel, plenty of money, everything you can think of. I expect more than one doctor has even told her to get one. But she would rather go without the love and the very real benefits she would derive, because that way what she never loved, she won't lose. I see tragedy in this.

When it's time to grieve, grieve. It's something we have to do in order to heal and be open to love again. We are blessed that it is possible to choose another dog--you can't do the same if you lose a spouse or a parent or a child. Another dog is a successor, not a replacement. Loving another dog honors the one you have lost. The heart stretches plenty big to add another one to love.

If you give your love to Lazar while he is with you, after he is gone you will always know you did that. You will make the most of the time you have with your dog and of the memories you'll have later. Getting another dog is often a great idea, if Lazar wants that, too, because he can teach things to the new one and you will have the new one to care for after he is gone. If it's the right thing for the dogs, it can be a very good thing for you.

The pain we go through over losing a dog is the price of the love. But it really is true that "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Some people talk about only having one "heart dog," only one that is a real soulmate. That has not been my experience at all. I love Believer just as much as I loved Saint, and he was like one of my arms, while she is my 5th therapy dog. Your successive relationships with your dogs can even keep getting better, because you can keep getting better at loving.

I find that it helps me to be there with the dog at the end. Not everyone can do this, but I need to know that I gave my dog this last comfort. It is hard, but only for a short time, and for the rest of my life I will know I did it for the dog. I think it helps me heal.

If you find this grief is lasting too long or seems too severe, it's important to get some professional help, whether before or after you lose the dog. Grief brings back your losses of the past, and losses that you have not come to terms with can keep you from working through the grief in a healthy way and being able to open your heart to love again. That's another reason it's important to let yourself grieve for your dog at the appropriate time. Sadly, we will probably have future losses, including losses of human loved ones.

I actually think learning how to grieve for our dogs can help us deal with these other losses better--that it is yet another gift our dogs give us. I'd rather be spared the pain, but the truth is, that is not going to happen. We need to learn from our dogs, including how to redeem the time we have been given for each season of our lives.